As a child, I always heard, “She doesn’t act like the other kids. She’s different. She acts older”. Unique has been my middle name from the beginning of my life. And it is a title I proudly claim.
At heart, I am and always have been a writer. Writing was my saving grace at times when I was uncertain of my sanity and health. God gave me a gift. It is not always pristine or concise. But it is pure. Strong. My own. For a while now, I have tried to suppress the writer in me and focus on other things, like graduating from school. Now, I am beyond ready to reclaim my voice.
I am a Southern girl at heart. I have an appreciation for my roots, which run deep in the Georgia red clay like the Nile running through Egypt. My ancestors were slaves, sharecroppers, land owners. They fought to establish their independence in the South, and refused to run away from what was theirs. The South is what I know and love.
When I think of a belle, a beautiful, charming young woman comes to mind. She has strong morals, a sense of loyalty and responsibility. She follows the most important societal rules, and is patient and kind. She is recognizably flirtatious, but she is a lady regardless of the situation. A belle recognizes and respects tradition. She honors her mother and father, and has faith when others cannot.
What’s the moderne twist?
While I like dresses and skirts, I wear pants on a regular basis. I have no problem speaking my mind, and will defend myself, and those I love, when necessary. I associate with people based on their character, not their social standing or ethnicity. I’m African American, and damn proud of it. That’s another thing – I curse on occasion. I don’t wait on any many to fight my battles or solve my problems. In fact, I help them on occasion. (If my brother reads this, he will definitely shake his head.)
Before my literary friends begin going crazy, my use of the word moderne is a play on words. I like having a little fun. This is my story. A twenty-something belle who is trying to find her way in so many parts of her life.
In the second grade, I proudly proclaimed to my class, “I’m going to be an obstetrician”. To my teacher’s surprise, I knew what that was, and what they did. I simply told her, “I want to deliver babies!” I wanted to be a part of a child’s journey, from the moment they took their first breathes. And this was my intention. Until I took Organic Chemistry at the University of Georgia. My first F in a class, but not my downfall.
It was at that time I began to search my soul for who I was – not who the six-year old girl inside of me wanted me to become. I realized I wanted to help people navigate their way through life. This led me to Psychology. Before you can help someone, you have to know how they think. Freud, Watson and Erikson all became my friends. But still, I felt there was something missing. I was Dorothy on the Yellow Brick road, trying to find my way home. God led me to a little white house across the street from my dormitory. Inside, was the Women’s Studies Department.
Before becoming indoctrinated into the feminist lifestyle, I thought feminists were overpowering, loud White women who screamed at others to get their point across. It was an ugly picture, I know. But after Intro to Women’s Studies, the feminist lying dormant inside of me was set free and encouraged to shine. I realized all feminists are not loud and obnoxious; similar to how all White people aren’t racist or members of the KKK. (In case you were wondering, I like the art of sarcasm.) Any woman, or man, who loves, respects, defends the honor of, and appreciates women is a feminist. There are no specifications based on age, race, gender, ethnicity, or physical characteristics. Therefore, I am a feminist. If you would like to be precise, according to Alice Walker’s definition, I am a womanist.
My spirituality is the basis of who I am, and how I am still living. At a young age, I was taught how to pray and talk to God. This is the greatest gift my parents and grandmother have ever given me. I hope to be blessed to pass it on to my children and grandchildren.
My career is going in the right direction, if I do say so myself. Four years after graduating from UGA, I am preparing to receive my Master’s in Counseling and be a licensed associate therapist. I have no doubt that God will guide my path in the right direction, and hold my hand as I walk on this journey.
Now my love life is a different story. There have not been any Aha! moments after an episode of Oprah, or a Prince Charming to carry me off into the sunset on his white stallion. As an adult, I have only had ONE boyfriend. I have liked, loved, and lost. The truth is my love life is frustrating the hell out of me! Hopefully, this blog will allow me the space to discover what I want, and the catharsis I need to work past all of my issues.
Well, that’s me - a daughter, sister, and friend. An independent, Southern belle who loves tradition, but is always ready to add an exciting twist to life. For too long, I have deprived myself of the opportunity to blog. I am embracing technology, turning over a new life, and inviting whoever reads this on the journey.
Welcome to my Moderne Day Life.
